In the Hands of the Potter

I have always loved art.

Growing up I have been in love with music since I could remember and for so long, music was the only form of art that I took hold of and held dear, but over the past several months, I have been drawn to different art forms, mainly pottery.

I have never done any pottery myself, but for some reason I want nothing more than to sit at a pottery wheel and create; have that time of peaceful surrender. I want nothing more than for my brain to stop traveling a hundred different directions at once and just be able to sit there, hands in the clay, working toward something beautiful. 

This afternoon I spent some time with a dear friend who has experienced this several times. I was blessed with the opportunity to learn from her older, wiser heart about how potter actually works. She talked about the fragility of the clay and the pot, she talked about how the clay had to be centered or it would fall to pieces. I learned about the firing process of the clay and that when the clay goes through the fire it is at it's most fragile, but after the fire, the clay is tough and resilient. The pot is then covered with a glaze that is apparently ugly when you put it on. The pot is then put through ANOTHER fire and after the second fire is when the lump of clay has made its final destination into the beautiful pot.

While listening about the process of how pottery works, I quickly realized that she wasn't talking about clay anymore. She wasnt talking about how clay is formed into beauty but how GOD forms US into beautiful vessels built to carry his spirit!

How beautiful are the hands of the Lord for creating us. He makes us all different, some of us are big sturdy pots, some are beautifully refined bowls (the list could go on) but, no matter how we were made, we were all made for ONE purpose. To be the vessel that carries the lord to others.

what a gift!

Maybe one day I will get to live that dream of making pottery, but for today I will rest content in knowing that I was handmade by my father to carry his word and spirit to whoever I come across. I was put through fires, fires that sometimes seemed unbearable, but fires that have toughened me up and have made me to shine the beauty of God's handiwork.

So when you are in the fire,feeling like you could easily break, remember that the Lord has put you through that so the beauty of his handiwork can shine through you!

Losing Sight

The past few weeks have been packed full of events, classes, spending time with friends and attempting to do math problems that I have no chance at understanding. I have been so preoccupied with life on this earth that I have lost sight of the big picture.

I have been so concerned with getting places on time, making sure I say hi to everyone I know, trying to be an example to younger girls (and the list could go on and on) that I have forgotten the reason I was given these opportunities. 

I have lost sight of my God who rescued me from the pit I was trapped in for so long. I have lost sight of the blessing of a quiet moment with my lord. I have lost sight of the importance of talking about God in conversation. I have lost sight of the necessity of God-centered relationships.

I want to see again. My prayer is that not just me, but that we can all take a step back, stop looking at the how when and why and remember why we do the things we do. It is not for us...it is for the GLORY OF GOD! I pray that we can show God to those who dont know him and that we can have relationships centered on God with our brothers and sisters.

the day that changed it all

This is an entry in my Dominican Journal, I didn't know this then, but this day changed my life forever. 

3-10-11

Yesterday was Puerto Plata day. On this day we go to the hospital and the dump. It takes around 3 hours to get to the city so we wake up early and hit the road. When we got into Puerto Plata we went straight into the hospital and over to the children's ward. Most of the children were there with mild injuries and illnesses, but there was one who stood out the most. It was a boy who was at least 10 years old and he could have not weighed more than 30 pounds. He just laid there lifeless while his mother fed him a thick formula out of a baby bottle. We sang and prayed and I just couldn't leave the room. I couldn't leave the boy and his mom alone, with no hope. After my group left the room I walked over to the boy and his mother and asked her if I could pray for her son. With tears in her eyes, she said a meed "Si, por favor". I held his weak hand and prayed over him, as soon as the prayer was over I completely melted into tears. I have never seen anyone so malnourished, then I remembered that I, too, have been in that place of malnourishment before, just in a different way. I was weak and sick and my only hope was God holding me tight and feeding me the thick milk of his word. Just seeing how I had felt on the inside displayed so perfectly in the hospital was overwhelming. After pulling myself together, we went to other children rooms and sand and prayed over them. There was a 4 month old baby there named Reubens and he was covered in either a rash or a burn. He was by far, the happiest baby I have ever seen, just looking at each other we laughed and laughed. This, too, reminds me of my savior. I was once hurt and I have scars, but I am whole and joyful to be alive in Him. 

After visiting the children ward we went to the woman's wing and sang and prayed with them as well. We got to spend some time with William our translator, and he is absolutely hilarious! After the hospital we went to a part to eat lunch and I got to spend some time with Kins just talking about our faith and the sacrifices involved in giving up everything for your faith. 

After eating lunch we spent some time getting to know and playing with the kids at the dump. When we arrived, kids started to run over and play with us. One little girl was standing by herself so I went up and tried to talk to her, she wouldn't look me in the eye, talk, or even smile. It was obvious that this little girl, only a few years old, has already experienced a harsh life. I finally talked her into sitting in my lap and she wouldn't let go. All I could do was hug and love on this little girl. I held her so tight and kissed her head and repeated over and over that I loved her. Eventually she looked me in the eyes and gave me a faint smile. I prayed for her and sent her to play. 

After the little girl started playing, Kins asked me to come as these two girls their names, the older sister was Johailey and the little girl's name was Corazon, which means heart in spanish. Corazon immediately stood out because she had one arm that is underdeveloped. I soon got to talking to Corazon and there was an immediate bond. She is absolutely beautiful and has the perfect smile. She would hug me tight, with both arms and when she went to give me a high five, she would never use her fully developed arm. Her mom came up to me and told me that I was the only friend Cora had and I am so blessed to be her friend. We sang and played together and eventually she ended up in my arms and wouldn't let go. It came time for us to leave and I went to hand Cora back to her mom and her mom told me no. She told me several times to take Cora with me. My heart broke into pieces. I wanted so badly to say "of course I'll take her", but I couldn't. I then took her to her sister and her sister told me no as well. What was I supposed to do? This 4 year old girl was my friend that I loved. I couldn't leave her. I eventually had to put her down and we had a tearful goodbye. I pray she is okay, that she is loved and cherished. I miss her terribly and I want nothing more than to go back to the dump and bring her home with me. 

Lord, I pray that Cora has your love and peace raining down on her. Help her to know that she is loved and cherished, I love you Lord, amen. 

THIS DAY CHANGED ME FOREVER. 

Ever since meeting Cora, my heart has been flipping upside down in my chest to get back to the Dominican to see her. Cora put a face and a name to the millions of children who go to bed hungry, the millions of children who have disabilities and diseases but are in environments in which they cannot thrive, the millions of children whose parents would give them to a stranger in a heartbeat if it meant that there child would have a chance. 

I am not ok with this. 

Ever since this day, the lord has been moving my heart in ways that I could never imagine. Laying out plans for me, that I would never plan for myself. 

I ask for prayers as I try to discern the Lord's will. I am willing to give it all up for him and I just pray that I will go where the Lord plants me. If that is in the Dominican dump, I will go. If that is in America, I will stay. 

In the coming months, I will be having to make some huge decisions about my future and where I will end up. I cannot wait to see what journey God takes me on, dont get me wrong, I would love for it to be next to Cora, but if not I will remain joyful whereever I go. 

I found my Prince Charming

There is something that has been on my heart for a while now that I feel like I need to share. Warning: there will be rambling in your very near future if you choose to keep reading this!

I am single.

There...I said it.

I am a single girl living in a world that was made for couples. I am a single girl living in a world that tells me that I am not complete without a man by my side. I am a single girl who is told that "the lord will give you a man when you are ready". I am a single girl who is told that if she loses 20 pounds or cuts her hair that more guys will like her. I am a single girl who is indirectly told that because I don't have a man by my side that there is something wrong with me. 

I am a single girl who lives in a world created by the one true God. I am a single girl who has been made complete by my heavenly father. I am a single girl that trusts that the Lord will bless me with a husband when HE is ready. I am a single girl that knows that just because my thighs may jiggle more than other girls, I am a daughter of the king, and THAT makes me beautiful. I am a single girl that knows that nothing is wrong with me because I was made by a perfect creator. 

My hope and my prayer is that "all the single ladies" out there can stop seeing singleness as a handicap. Being single is one of the best gifts the Lord can give us. Just think about it...the Lord has given us time to spend with him and only him. He has given us the gift of not being tied down so that we can follow Him to the ends of the earth. 

This concept is something that I am just now coming to grips with. For years, I would long for someone to share my life with, someone to talk to about anything, someone to lead me spiritually, someone to tell me I am beautiful, someone that I could follow. After years of holding this desire deep within me, I realized that I already was in a relationship like this. 

With Jesus.

The amazing thing about our lord is that HE COMPLETES US. We do not need another person in our life to make us whole, because once we take on the Lord as the leader of our lives, we are complete! How amazing.

I truly hope and pray that the single women of God will stop looking for "Mr. Right" because he is already there waiting on you to come to him! He is standing at the door, with a dozen roses, ready to romance you until the day you die! I also pray that once we do find the man that God has blessed us with as a husband, we do not look for him to complete us, because a man will never be able to complete us. The gift of marriage was not given to us as a way of making two halves become a whole, it is a way that two people who love God more than anything, can come together and teach the world about God's love! It is a way that two people can raise a family that is taught about God and is taught to share God with the world! 

Praise God for singleness. Praise God for this time that can be spent with just God and Katie.

Why I am here

Every blog that has ever been written has some underlying purpose for it's existence. Some people write blogs about crafting (woot woot), some write for their own personal need of expressing themselves and some write about topics such as leadership and how to move up in the world. Up until last February, I had never been a part of this blogging world. I originally thought of it as a way of people to keep up with family from afar or just share what they thought, but I have learned that blogs can change lives. My life and my purpose was changed by God of course, but he used the blogs of some amazing people to help facilitate that change. I was reading a family friend's blog one day out of boredom and I just started clicking on other people's blogs. One of those blogs was a family who had adopted a child from Ethiopia. I had always thought of adoption as an interesting topic, so I kept reading and kept clicking. I then came across the blogs of a few families who were giving all they had to the Lord and through that, advocating and bringing a voice to the voiceless. I read a blog about a girl MY AGE with MY NAME being the hands and feet of Jesus. A girl that made me realize that even though I was young, I could wholeheartedly serve God.

MY LIFE WAS FOREVER CHANGED

Through reading the stories of these families, I was encouraged and I was given hope that in a nation who's focus was not on God, that there are people out there willing to give their everything to HIS purpose. HOW AMAZING! I have not stopped reading these blogs since and I feel as if I am a part of their family, even though we have never met. I have seen God work miracles through these families and I am so proud to know them. (even though if I were to see them on the street they would have no clue who I was, but would I throw a 4yr old fit of excitement if I saw them, creepy? completely.)

The lord used these blogs to open my heart to orphans. Because of these blogs I cannot wait to share with you (whoever you are) my journey of following the Lord. He has put the motherless on my heart for a reason, this reason I am not sure of yet, but I am patiently waiting for that tug at my heart in the right direction. The purpose of this blog is not just about orphan care or about the different things that God has laid on my heart, but this blog is about a 22 year old trying to follow God one step at a time. My hope for this blog is that I can be completely honest and not sugar coat my walk with the Lord. I mess up every single day and I will never say anything different. My life is messy and by no stretch of the imagination have I got it together. Like most other christians, I experience huge highs and MAJOR lows in my walk with christ and I hope to share those times in the most honest way possible. 

Even though it scares me to death to put it all out here for the world to see, I hope to encourage at least one person along the way. I hope that if someone is a non-believer looking at this blog, they do not see what the world has decided Christians should be like. I hope that they see that Christianity is for sinners, for people like me who have made every mistake in the book. Christianity is not beautiful because we are these amazing people who never make mistakes, because WE ARE NOT THOSE PEOPLE. Christianity is beautiful because our savior took our sins on him and took the wrath for us all so that we can live a life of liberty.

My hope is that you will see that being a christian is not all fluffy rainbows. Being a christian requires sacrifice, and those sacrifices are not easy, but they are worth it. If I have learned anything in my short 22 years on earth, it is that a life with the Lord is more beautiful than any other life that there is. God can turn ashes into beauty, and I can say this because I have been the ashes. I was lost and living a life of destruction and then the Lord set me free. What a beautiful life to live! I am happy to share it with you!

"as a prisoner for the Lord, I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called. With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of spirit in the bond of peace"

-Ephesians 4:1-3

it is HE who lives in me

written on April 10, 2011

For as long as I can remember, church has been part of my life. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but it has always been there. Why was I sent to church growing up? It would make sense that it would be for me to be a good person, for me to be successful (by the world’s standards) or for me not to make some of the detrimental mistakes that “non-churchgoers” make. After 22 years of church going, I have managed to make some of those mistakes, not be a very successful person and sometimes I question whether or not I am a “good” person. If I have managed to fail at those basic things, what was the point in me going to church for the past 22 years? I have learned to love the Lord with all of my heart. Isn’t that what the bible says to do? If so, therefore I must obey His word, which has nothing to do with monetary success or not making mistakes. Obeying God is quite the opposite! I am told to give up everything I have to feed the poor, and to go to all nations preaching the Gospel and I will make mistakes and mess up but I serve a God whose grace is bigger than all of those things!

We have gotten it wrong. Church isn’t about being a good person, being successful, or not making mistakes. Church is about God. God is about love, so let us love! Let us give! Let us bless others with the gifts that God has given us! We have one chance to tell the world about the redemptive power of our Lord. If we only have this one chance, why would we waste it sitting in our nice houses, in our comfy chairs, watching television that is polluting our minds when there are people dying everyday without knowing our Lord? We have gotten it wrong. This is not the life we are called to live.

How can I, a 22 year old, live to this high of a standard? I must let the Lord dwell in me. This is no longer my life, it is God’s. I must let him use me and mold me to whatever he wants me to be. This person he molds me to be will most likely not be what the people who love me want to be, but I must continue on because I am HIS, not THEIRS. I must be willing to give up the comforts of my life and dive into the comfort that only our Lord can give. He is directing my paths every minute. It is up to me to follow these paths, even if it disappoints the people I love. this is scary. For me to leave the comforts of my loved ones’ arms is the scariest thing I have ever had to do, but I am going to the loving arms of my lord and savior, and there is nowhere else I would rather be.

I have never done anything without the full support of at least a couple of people. I have been supported my whole life and people have always said that I could do anything I wanted to do. Well what I want is no longer important. What God wants is the only thing that matters to me, and I am finding that people are much more willing to support me than they are to support God. Why is this? He created the world, he created me, he lives in me. Why are his ways not as good as my ways? I ask myself this question daily and wonder why the people I love will not stand behind God working in my life. It breaks my heart to know that to follow Christ, I must give up some of the people I love. We are told that this will happen and I must accept it and believe that my God has bigger plans. My god is greater, my god is stronger.

Soon I will be making the biggest decisions of my life, who will be there to support me? I dont know the answer. All I know is that I have the Lord and that is good enough for me. If you are reading this and disagree with some of my decisions, or think that I am stupid for giving up certain opportunities, you are welcome to have those opinions, but I cannot bear to live a life that does not serve our God %100. Up until now, I have not lived that life and it is a process that I will most likely struggle through for the rest of my life, but I have the lord on my side. I must make every effort to let the lord live in me and follow HIS paths. Not mine, not my parents’, not my friends’. I must be willing to give up what society tells me to do for my lord. I must be willing to not follow the college degree-high paying job-marriage-house-baby-retire-die cycle that we are told is the proper way to live. Maybe I will end up going down that same path, but that is not for anyone but God to decide for me. What if I end up living in a dirt floor hut in the middle of Africa for the rest of my life? Not for me to decide. The only decision I get to make is to wake up every morning and take up my cross and follow HIM. That decision is hard, but is one that I am willing to make.


When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” -Luke 18:22