For as long as I can remember, church has been part of my life. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but it has always been there. Why was I sent to church growing up? It would make sense that it would be for me to be a good person, for me to be successful (by the world’s standards) or for me not to make some of the detrimental mistakes that “non-churchgoers” make. After 22 years of church going, I have managed to make some of those mistakes, not be a very successful person and sometimes I question whether or not I am a “good” person. If I have managed to fail at those basic things, what was the point in me going to church for the past 22 years? I have learned to love the Lord with all of my heart. Isn’t that what the bible says to do? If so, therefore I must obey His word, which has nothing to do with monetary success or not making mistakes. Obeying God is quite the opposite! I am told to give up everything I have to feed the poor, and to go to all nations preaching the Gospel and I will make mistakes and mess up but I serve a God whose grace is bigger than all of those things!
We have gotten it wrong. Church isn’t about being a good person, being successful, or not making mistakes. Church is about God. God is about love, so let us love! Let us give! Let us bless others with the gifts that God has given us! We have one chance to tell the world about the redemptive power of our Lord. If we only have this one chance, why would we waste it sitting in our nice houses, in our comfy chairs, watching television that is polluting our minds when there are people dying everyday without knowing our Lord? We have gotten it wrong. This is not the life we are called to live.
How can I, a 22 year old, live to this high of a standard? I must let the Lord dwell in me. This is no longer my life, it is God’s. I must let him use me and mold me to whatever he wants me to be. This person he molds me to be will most likely not be what the people who love me want to be, but I must continue on because I am HIS, not THEIRS. I must be willing to give up the comforts of my life and dive into the comfort that only our Lord can give. He is directing my paths every minute. It is up to me to follow these paths, even if it disappoints the people I love. this is scary. For me to leave the comforts of my loved ones’ arms is the scariest thing I have ever had to do, but I am going to the loving arms of my lord and savior, and there is nowhere else I would rather be.
I have never done anything without the full support of at least a couple of people. I have been supported my whole life and people have always said that I could do anything I wanted to do. Well what I want is no longer important. What God wants is the only thing that matters to me, and I am finding that people are much more willing to support me than they are to support God. Why is this? He created the world, he created me, he lives in me. Why are his ways not as good as my ways? I ask myself this question daily and wonder why the people I love will not stand behind God working in my life. It breaks my heart to know that to follow Christ, I must give up some of the people I love. We are told that this will happen and I must accept it and believe that my God has bigger plans. My god is greater, my god is stronger.
Soon I will be making the biggest decisions of my life, who will be there to support me? I dont know the answer. All I know is that I have the Lord and that is good enough for me. If you are reading this and disagree with some of my decisions, or think that I am stupid for giving up certain opportunities, you are welcome to have those opinions, but I cannot bear to live a life that does not serve our God %100. Up until now, I have not lived that life and it is a process that I will most likely struggle through for the rest of my life, but I have the lord on my side. I must make every effort to let the lord live in me and follow HIS paths. Not mine, not my parents’, not my friends’. I must be willing to give up what society tells me to do for my lord. I must be willing to not follow the college degree-high paying job-marriage-house-baby-retire-die cycle that we are told is the proper way to live. Maybe I will end up going down that same path, but that is not for anyone but God to decide for me. What if I end up living in a dirt floor hut in the middle of Africa for the rest of my life? Not for me to decide. The only decision I get to make is to wake up every morning and take up my cross and follow HIM. That decision is hard, but is one that I am willing to make.
When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” -Luke 18:22
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